Silencing Sandra Dee
by 80sUnLoveChild
Summary: Gus drags Shawn with him to the Regional Glee Club Competition, being Shawn he stumbles upon a case concerning his beloved Olivia Newton John.


**DISCLAIMER: I am not Steve Franks nor am I Ryan Murphy. I just had this dream and when I awoke had to share it with you all. **

GLEE/ PSYCH / GLEE/PSYCH

Gus pulled the car to a stop and admired the theatre they were now in front of. Shawn on the other hand had zeroed in on the giant sign proclaiming the event.

"Regional Show Choir Championships? Seriously Gus? Please tell me you haven't been secretly tivoing this crap like you did with the spelling bee. Is this why I had to give up my season's pass of _Real Guidettes of Jersey Shore_?" Shawn whined following his long time best friend and sidekick Burton Guster into the buzzing theatre.

"Didn't you listen to me on the flight at all?" Gus snapped. "Josh Groban is judging."

"Oh god please don't tell me this is about how you were the one who got Josh Groban his start in the music business." He groaned having heard this story before, many times.

"I did get Josh Groban his start in the music business Shawn." Gus snapped back. "I just want to talk to the guy. You don't even have to meet him you can go stare at Olivia Newton John over there." Gus pointed to the blonde helping herself to some champagne. Shawn gasped noisily.

"Kira?" And here he was without his _Xanadu_ DVD and skates. "If you had told me that she would be here I would have had time to rehearse my ode to Gene Kelly."

Sadly this was not joke, he really had memorised the tap dancing routine from the film, to underwhelming applause at the seventh grade talent show.

Watching the majestic blonde beauty whose posters had covered his walls Shawn's ever present super eyes went to work, the first thing he noticed was that the cup Olivia was drinking from was not the same as the rest of people, the wine had left a chalky residue on the glass and she was starting to cough.

"Gus! Can you smell that?" He nodded towards the glass that was on the floor next to where Olivia Newton John was now lying, a crowd having gathered around.

"Excuse me, coming through!" Shawn called pushing everyone out of his way. "I'm a psychic with the Santa Barbara Police Department, coming through."

"This is Ohio!" Someone yelled back in confusion but Shawn ignored that not so subtly pushing Gus to the glass, the supersmeller could do the rest.

"Call an ambulance!" He yelled loudly putting his hand to his head. "Somebody tried to say goodbye to Sandra Dee...for good!" The crowd were silent; no one even made to pull out their phone. "Seriously? No one is going to do anything?"

GLEE/ PSYCH / GLEE/PSYCH

Mr. Schuester walked into their appointed dressing room with a grim face, what was next? They had decided that Brian Ryan was to be a judge as well?

"Mr. Schue _Aural Intensity_ was supposed to start performing four minutes ago, what is going on?" Rachel asked practically pouncing on their teacher, thankfully Finn pulled her back and kept her from pacing a hole into the carpet.

"Somebody tried to poison Olivia Newton John."

Now there was a sentence he never thought he would say. A fit of laughter bubbled up out of Kurt and Mercedes who had to hold onto each other for support.

"Nice one Mr. Schue but seriously what's the hold up?" Mercedes asked once she caught her breath.

"Everyone is in lockdown until they find the culprit." He continued. "I'm serious you guys, she was just rushed to the hospital."

"Our Regional Show Choir Championships have been postponed because…Olivia Newton John was poisoned?" Rachel said slowly. "This can't be happening."

"Well actually the championship hasn't exactly been postponed." Mr. Schue said cagily looking around the room. "Apparently Chad from _E__xplosion Gigantesca de Romance_ was here and has offered to act as the fourth judge in Olivia's place."

"Wait that's the dude who discovered a Dinosaur in the Ojai Valley!" Artie exclaimed excitedly at the same time that Brittany gasped loudly.

"The delivery guy? He was so hot!"

"You guys watch a Spanish soap opera?" Mr. Schuester asked in surprise.

"With subtitles, how do you think we taught Brittany to say hello and goodbye in Spanish?" Mike explained. "It's surprisingly entertaining."

"And yet half of you are still barely passing my class." Mr. Schuester muttered to himself.

"Maybe we could watch it in class!" Brittany suggested. "It's in Spanish right?"

"Si my fair blonde one." Shawn greeted announcing his presence to the group. "Hello I am Shawn Spencer of _E__xplosion Gigantesca de Romance,_ Ziggy the Dinosaur, _American Duos: Santa Barbara_ and of course Psychic Detective Agency, Psych. Gus give them our card."

Brittany just stared at Shawn which didn't unnerve him as it would some people, Mr. Schuester accepted the card wearily from the other guy who was dressed in a suit compared to Shawn's tee shit and jeans combo. The seemingly more normal of the pair took a double take as he handed out the cards.

"Matty?" Gus blurted out clapping the glee clubber on the back and performing the typical man hug back clap that was meant to be macho. "Shawn, this is my little cousin Matty, remember?"

"Oh yeah, sorry about your hair but hey it grew back!" He said clapping him on the back. Matt looked to Gus with raised eyebrows, the rest of the club doing pretty much the same thing.

"I thought you were the psychic detective." He said with a smirk. "Maybe I should call Uncle Burton."

"Ah no need to do that." Gus yelped awkwardly patting Matt on the shoulder and glaring at Shawn. "Aunt Ginny didn't tell me you joined a choir or that you guys made a Regional championship! Did she show you the tapes of my A Capella singing group Blackapella?"

Matt shook his head, he'd heard his cousin sing and it was a cross between Michael Jackson being strangled and a cat screaming. Not good.

"If ma didn't tell you then what are you doing here?" Matt asked beyond confused, Santa Barbara was a long way from Ohio.

"Oh Gus here follows all these things, Spelling Bees, Mathletes, just the other week I caught him sneaking out to our old high school's science fair." Shawn told them all not even having to use his talent of exaggeration. "Lucky for you guys I just so happened to be here when the lovely Miss Newton John was targeted."

"Excuse me." Rachel tapped Shawn on the shoulder. "Mr. Spencer if you are in fact a psychic I'd like to ask you something."

"Ask away young Barbra." He complimented taking a guess that obviously paid off given her beaming smile.

"Are we going to win?"

Ah the obvious question, placing his hand to his head he looked around the room; kid in a wheelchair, pregnant girl, obligatory black girl with Aretha pipes, oh and a gay kid. They at least owned the minorities.

"The spirits are indecisive but you have quite the chance." He said mysteriously.

"The spirits can't help us with Sue on the judging panel." Kurt grouched. "She's practically guaranteed that we won't even place. I can't go back to being tossed in dumpsters everyday."

"That's what they do at your school?" Gus asked. "What's wrong with your locker? Hygienic and not at all gross."

"Where's the fun in that?" Puck joked, or at least they hoped it was a joke.

Gus looked in disgust at the jock and pulled on Shawn's arm.

"We still have another team to check out Shawn."

"The spirits are telling me that no one here tried to murder the beautiful, irreverent ONJ, although I'd be careful young ones. I sense a big change coming your way."

Shawn's phone rang blaring out _Suddenly_, answering the call he left the room with his typical theatrics leaving Gus to smile awkwardly.

"The competition should start up again in a few minutes, Shawn's almost figured out the culprit."

"Already?"

"Has he even spoken to _Vocal Adrenaline_ yet?"

The group all talked over each other; thanks to his last few years sitting between Shawn and Lassiter in Vick's office this meant he could actually understand them all.

"_Vocal Adrenaline?_ The five time national champions?" He asked trying not to scoff. "Why would they try to rig the competition, they're the favorite to take it out!"

"Gee thanks for reminding us cuz!" Matt snapped. "VA are bad news."

"Last week they tried to turn Rachel into an omelet." Finn explained. "And they tp'ed our choir room."

"And sent their male lead to our school to spy on us and date Rachel." Kurt explained further. "They tried to psych us out pardon the pun."

"Happens all the time." Gus assured him. "So you guys think that this team could have really tried to kill her?"

"Mr. Guster, this is show choir." Rachel said standing up and walking over to him. "More than half of the kids on that team stand to lose scholarships to college if they don't win. Believe me when I say they have the motive and the means to do so."

"They're arrogant, soulless automatons. They've never been faced by a team like us, this year they're scared." Mercedes said joining Rachel. "But if they didn't do it Sue Sylvester totally did."

"Sue Sylvester the cheerleading coach?" He was getting excited; even Shawn watched the cheerleading championships although for very different reasons.

"I heard cheerleaders." Shawn exclaimed bouncing back into the room, he focused on Brittany who was once again staring at him in wonder.

"How did he get out of my TV?" She asked Santana too intent on hearing her best friend's answer to notice the group's snickers.

"You two, you're Cheerios." He noticed their linked pinkies and the Latina's lingering hand on her friend's thigh. Intriguing. "You work with the beautiful Sue Sylvester who bears a striking resemblance both physically and personalitilally?" He turned to Gus for confirmation who bit back a groan.

"Excuse him what he means is she reminds us of our Police Chief's sister, she wasn't ever in the Coast Guard was she?"

"Maybe the marines." Puck suggested; she definitely had the disposition of someone who had been apart of some kind of armed forces.

"Why would a cheerleading coach want to kill Olivia Newton John?" Gus asked not seeing a connection.

"She did have prior contact with her, remember the physical video?" Shawn remembered, it had been his screensaver until Gus had changed it to Shabby junior's cam. It was a sea lion, how that compared to the perfection of Olivia Newton John was unforeseeable.

"I couldn't get that song out of my head for three weeks Shawn, Mr. Ogletree made me see the company psychologist!"

"To be fair I think the fact that you were singing and dancing to it in your office tipped the scale on that one." Shawn shot back typically not caring that he had embarrassed his friend, some might say he reveled in it.

"Do they realize we're still here?" Artie asked Mr. Schuester who shrugged.

"Gus I don't think we should be arguing in front of the children." Shawn cranked his head towards the group.

"Oh but cruising past that fat camp in a rented ice cream van is okay?" Gus shot back; he still had nightmares of those teenagers throwing themselves against the chain link fences.

"That was fun this is work, stop being that gold headband in her hair." Shawn shot back momentarily appreciating the irony of him telling Gus to work harder. "Now tell me all you can about the divine Sue Sylvester."

"She wears tracksuits." Brittany said. "She sends them to Paris to be dry cleaned."

"She hates glee club and likes to call Mr. Schuester a lesbian because of his hair." Mike added while Will patted his curls self-consciously.

"But his curls are glorious." Shawn marveled before snapping himself out of it. "I already had Jules run all the judges, teams and vocal coaches through the database, apparently Lassiter is a big Newton John fan and helped."

"Doesn't surprise me." Gus nodded; he probably had a secret shrine to Grease in his closet with a gun hidden in there.

"Only three people have any kind of criminal record and they are all on _Vocal Adrenaline_; Shelby Corcoran, Jesse St. James and Maya Gilbert." He read aloud from his phone.

"Shelby's the one who sent Jesse to seduce Rachel!" Kurt quickly informed them. "He's screwed if he loses his scholarship and his life revolves around show choir."

"He did hate _Grease_." Rachel said crinkling her forehead. "It didn't stay true to the original Broadway production."

"Well obviously we have discerned he is a person of suspect based on his terrible taste alone." Shawn decided. "What about the other two?"

"Shelby is heartless but I doubt she'd do this." Mr. Schuester told the two. "I'm not familiar with the other name."

"Well it seems we have another show choir to interrogate, as soon as the culprit has been apprehended, the show will go on!" Shawn posed dramatically. "And scene!"

He flounced out of the room with everyone's eyes on him, Gus mildly embarrassed followed after him.

"I'm sure it will just be a moment." He said trying to appease the less than impressed group.

"I'm so calling Uncle Burton."

GLEE/ PSYCH / GLEE/PSYCH

Aural Intensity had just finished up and Shawn was not impressed; why would you ruin _Magic_ by mashing it with that horrible _You Raise Me Up_ song? They were definitely being marked down for not respecting classics.

"Shawn!" Gus hissed. "Shouldn't you have your vision and announce the culprit before the end of the competition?"

"And risk tainting the performances?" He replied. "I need to remain impartial as a judge, I do not take this position lightly."

Gus peeked over his friend's shoulder to his notes; it was a score of three with a passable sketch of Olivia Newton John. He frowned, oh yeah he was taking this really serious; it was the spelling bee all over again. The announcer geared up the next group and Gus sat up straighter, it was Matt's turn. If he was any good he would be talking to him about performing some carols at the family Christmas party.

"Journey, nice!" Shawn whispered bobbing his head. "Quick Gus I need a lighter, you go to the other side of the room to help start the slow wave."

"I'm staying here Shawn, I still need to talk to Josh." He hissed, that little brunette was amazing lucky he always kept a handkerchief in his coat pocket.

"Would you two love birds shut up? I'd rather not ruin these shoes by kicking you both in the face." Sue growled, yeah she was definitely related to Chief Vick somehow.

"I think we found Lassie's soul mate." Shawn said slowly amazed, if they procreated the world would no longer be safe.

"Let's make sure he never comes to Ohio." Guy agreed inching over in his chair so there was more space between him and the cheerleading coach. She was glaring at the team with a hatred that scared Gus, not as scared as he had been of Scary Sherry but definitely up there with the ghost at his boss's place.

"YEAH MATTY!" He cheered jumping up and down as the group wound up the crowd during their final song, a journey medley with a mash-up, oh yeah they were definitely going to be talking about a Christmas show.

"Mmhmm." Shawn murmured writing down his score and then folding it away so Gus couldn't see. "It wouldn't be very fair of me to let your familial connection in anyway hamper my vote."

"I will kick you Shawn."

The almost psychic just waved him as the final group took to the stage. Shawn immediately cringed; he had once held high regard for Queen. He had even once fancied himself the next Freddie Mercury. The kid currently on stage with his obviously permed curls and pink ruffled shirt was no Freddie Mercury.

"Monstrosity." Shawn shook his head; when you already have the lyrical orgasm that was _Bohemian Rhapsody_ why would you sully it with frankly ugly dresses and acrobats that combined together to make him want to vomit. He also though that Vocal Adrenaline sounded like a porno.

Gus was also shaking his head, those poor kids, ever since Shawn's attempt at getting their entire high school to head bang to _Bohemian Rhapsody_ in order to break a world record he had hated this song with a passion. He already knew that Shawn was going to deduct marks for that. He clapped heartily when they were finished, more because he was glad it was over, their group orgy of the lead singer had left him feeling queasy.

"Let's get this over with shall we?" Sue grumbled shepherding the judges, Gus followed behind only slightly hurt when the door was slammed in his face. He'd chat with Josh later; he slouched against the door trying to give the impression he was just chilling. With an ear pressed against the door no one was getting that impression.

"How could only one group honor Olivia Newton John and then massacre it?" Shawn burst out throwing his notebook on the table. "No offense Josh Groban but _Magic_ is meant to be revered!"

"None taken."

See he was a nice guy, Gus thought to himself.

"Well personally I thought that Vocal Adrenaline were the mediocre best of a toneless bunch." Sue opined. "I think we all know who is going to win so how about we quit wasting time at this crap fest and give the damn trophy to them."

"Are you kidding me?" Shawn argued. "They were too polished, their smiles reminded me of the joker and the whole thing felt like a choreographed dance by the children of the corn!"

"Exactly!" Sue agreed. "Winners do not have heart and soul, they eat other teams for breakfast!"

"Okay you're scary." Josh mumbled. "That journey group was good, the brunette had quite a voice."

"Exactly! And I think their love of Journey should really be factored in! Showing such excellent taste at a young age is surely something to note."

"I've got an idea how about we all just vote and someone can tally the scores?" Rod butted in. Gus seizing his moment fell threw the door.

"I'd be honored to undertake such a task." He glanced over at Josh. "Hey."

Recognition set in on the singers face.

"Burton?"

Sue snickered at the name before returning to ranking the three teams.

"Sup Josh?" He flicked his nose and walked around the room collecting the slips of paper as the judges finished writing. He glanced over at Shawn with a satisfied smirk. "Excuse me, I'll just add these together."

He added it up twice, then another three times. Huh. Taking a marker from the table he scrawled the winner and runner up across a piece of paper and slipped it in the envelope passing it off to Shawn. The two waited while the other three left.

"Now are you going to do the big revealing?" Gus asked.

"Announcing the winner does seem the prime time for such theatrics yes." Shawn held his hands to his forehead. "And I think I'll need Magic Head!"

Damn it, he hated being Magic Head.

GLEE/ PSYCH / GLEE/PSYCH

The three groups were huddled on the stage all-keeping a slight difference between them. New Directions had literally ran onto the stage two members down, Shawn had instantly noted the missing pregnant girl and the boy with a shaved head and deduced she had gone into labor. The Aretha wannabe was holding up her cell phone and as they walked past he shouted Mazel Tov!

The crowd began to cheer and Shawn strode not even trying to be humble and shushed them.

"Yes, yes we have come to a decision!" He gasped loudly. "But first! Our beautiful Australian starlet is in the hospital and the culprit sings among us."

He grabbed Gus and began to massage his scalp making an assortment of noises Gus sincerely hopes he would never hear again.

"Bicycle! Pirates! Automaton!" He breaks away holding his hand in shock, he swung it around like the hand had a mind of its own running around the stage. It settled on the male lead from New Directions before spasming and backing away and latching onto the curly haired lead from Vocal Adrenaline. Shawn grasped tighter and began to beep.

"DANGER! DANGER!"

The two police officers that Lassiter had arranged to stick around, how they had no idea, came forward and grabbed the teen by his arms.

"Jesse St. James! Attempted Murderer!" Shawn turned to the crowd in his 'reveal' face that Gus recognized. "Jesse tried to rid the world of Sandra Dee but why, why would anyone do such a thing? And with such a bright future!"

Rachel raised her hand, she knew why but Shawn ignored her. The tall lead wrapping her up in his arms and mumbling something to sedate her.

"At age eight Jesse St James auditioned for a little known Broadway play that was produced by one Olivia Newton John who selected the brilliant white breathness that is Haley Joel Osment instead. Since then he has been biding his time to get his revenge on the woman he blames for stalling his career!"

"Sandy wasn't meant to be Australian!" He burst out still restrained by the officers. "She took one of the most beloved stage shows and let them turn it into a subpar teenage musical!"

"Blasphemy!" Shawn yelled walking over to Gus and collapsing in his arms. "The visions take so much from me!"

The officers grasped Jesse tighter and began to read him his rights slipping the cuffs on his hands.

"I did not see that coming." Finn said to Rachel who nodded watching her ex boyfriend being dragged from the theatre.

"The nights not over kids!" Shawn whispered before taking a big breath and suddenly finding a second wind. "Now that our would be crazy killer has been captured lets get on with the show!"

He pulled the envelope form his pocket and tore it open studying it seriously nodding and hmming several times.

"And the winner of the 2010 Ohio Regional Show Choir Championship is." Shawn turned to Gus. "Can I get a drum roll please Magic Head?"

Obligingly he beat boxed while Shawn air drummed shaking his head around like he was Dave Grohl circa 1993.

"NEW DIRECTIONS for their brilliant Journey medley!"

The group stayed silent disbelieving, for all their bravado not a single one of them actually expected the outcome they had hoped, dreamed, prayed, wished and openly begged for. Someone brought out a trophy and thrust it towards Finn whose arms were busy wrapped around Rachel who was squealing and smothering his face with kisses.

"Well Gus, I think our work here is done." Shawn said nodding proudly. "Gus?"

Shawn peered around fighting back a groan at his best friend in his full seller mode. Josh Groban looked more than a little scared and was backing away all but moving people to get in between them.

"Now I know you remember me!" Gus yelled fighting against the crowd. "I made you a star!"

"What's Gus doing?" Matt asked breaking away from his friends, his cousin acting like a mad man having obviously distracted him.

"Chasing a dream dear Matt. Chasing a dream." He threw his arm around the teen's shoulders and directed him in the opposite direction. "Now tell me where would I be able to get a pineapple smoothie?"

GLEE X PSYCH!

**Well hope you enjoyed this little idiotic drabble I dreamed up!**


End file.
